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The Extraneous Musings of An Outcast

A whack job who's one big ball of misfit!

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Month: May 2017

Heavy Metal Days

Posted on May 14, 2017July 15, 2017No Comments on Heavy Metal Days

A photo of Nate with long hair and a short autobiographical tale of school days.

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Input From Homo Sapiens

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Postcards From The Edge

Evening sky. Setting Sun. #beautiful #sky #clouds #sunset #evening

Right by my work at 825 Great Northern Boulevard. About early October 2018. And we still have no snow in Helena. Bone dry here. Which is good because I want to get my snow tires in January. #snow #bush #beautiful #peaceful

Classic espionage storytelling. Nick Fury of S. H. I. E. L. D. Marvel's Fury No. 1. 1994. Back cover. Good condition. #fury #marvel #comic #comics #comicbooks #nickfury #shield #art #story

That has to be the weirdest t-shirt ever. I nominate myself to Sierra-Online most geeky fan who's not ashamed to show off his slightly eccentric taste in fashion. His sister Andrea on the right who I tried to crop out to spare her the humilation of seeing this extreme geeky reminder of the past, but alas, the squareness of Instagram demands I include her. She is so overcome with shock at what she sees on my chest that her glasses are tumbling down. She passed out moments after this photo was taken. #geek #weirdo #gamer #fashion #strange

Grand Canyon, South Rim, Friday, September 11th, 2015 at 7:54 PM Mountain time. Shot with a Canon Powershot SX10 IS with the following settings, 1/60 sec. f/4 5mm, ISO 80. 3648 x 2736. #funtimes #naturephotography #naturelovers #natural #naturalbeauty #wilderness #wildernessculture #outdoorphotography #outdoors #outdoor #beautifuldestinations #beautiful #photography #photooftheday #photograph #photo #arizona #grandcanyon #travel #travelingram #traveltheworld #travelersnotebook #travelgram #travelphoto #travelpics #travelpic #dusk #evening

Is this a photo of a happy man. A smiling man. The truth is, this man hides behind that smile a world of pain. Crushing depression, paranoid delusions, obsessive compulsions, mania, crippling social phobias, autism and all the baggage that comes along with being Deaf/Hard of Hearing. This photo was taken about December 1994. The beginning of a decades-long battle with weight due to a mental health medication called Depakote. At the time this photo was taken I weighed less than 180 pounds, and now I weigh 355 pounds. My mental illness only got worse. I never held a job more than a couple of months. The total time that I worked in the 90's amounted to no more than nine months. After the year 2000, I never worked again until the year 2015. I lived in horror. I lived alone for years at a time away from family with no mental health treatment. My behaviors weird, my thinking disordered. I was born sick. I have never known a sound mind. My situation pushed my mom and dad into NAMI. Drug after drug failed. Therapy failed. Every treatment failed. I only got bigger and weirder. I went from an athletic kid who was in great shape who loved to move to a slug that ate everything in sight who suffered unbearable mental pain. In January 2010 I met a woman online who said I love you. I shared with her what I looked like. Being a tech geek I should have known better, but it had been a long time since a woman had taken an interest in me. I was so shaken by her saying I love you; I had a profound awakening. In that February I decided that maybe I should be the best I could be for those that love me. The woman turned out to be a scam, naturally, but that's ok, I left her long ago. Older and wiser. Since Feb of 2010, I have been seeking mental health treatment and healthcare with a zeal that I had not had before. I started to attend a 12 step program. I found a Doctor who would not accept mental health medication side effects as acceptable. I am working hard to lose weight. I have been a part of a 12 step program for alcoholics and have just joined another one for compulsive overeaters. Much highs & lows, but the trajectory is up, up! #mentalhealth

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The Extraneous Musings of An Outcast

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